


Ron the Matchmaker

by decaffienatedhologrampanda



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Betting Pool, F/M, crossposted from ffn, oblivious harmony, ron blows up, ron is tired of this shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29968080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decaffienatedhologrampanda/pseuds/decaffienatedhologrampanda
Summary: Ron attempts to break through his friends' very strong denial of attraction to one another. The question is, will he succeed? Rated T for language.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Ron the Matchmaker

Ronald Weasley was not a very happy boy. Harry and Hermione were still not dating, snogging, shagging, or married despite his _very obvious hints_ to acknowledge the very strong attraction they had there. He _had to_ win the 1,000galleon prize in the school betting pool very aptly named Harmony.

He was understandably frustrated. His very deeply buried, inner romantic now joined the conversation and was currently persuading him to _act_. Though, he admitted to himself, playing matchmaker probably had its perks.

He decided to start simple. Nothing extravagant first, something to pique their attention. (He later found out that placing their attention on each other was easy, the rock-solid denial was the hard part.)

He used the super glue-thing that the twins had in their store to glue their hands together. It _was_ simple, right? They didn’t mind. They only noticed when they had to go back to the dorms because they were practically joined at the hip today. Dumbledore sent them to a separate _private_ dorm (together, mind you?) and they didn’t bat an eyelid. He also sent a discreet wink to the common room.

Ron decided enough was enough. The only hope he had for the two idiots to get their shit together was to lay it down flat in front of them in the view of the whole school, so that they saw the proof.

He immediately lit up. Why hadn’t he thought of that before? He sprinted all the way to the Great Hall where everybody was eating dinner and skid to a stop in front of the eternally oblivious couple.

“WHY AREN’T YOU SHAGGING YET?!”

The many eyes in the Great Hall zeroed in on the trio.

Harry, bless his heart, was quite lost (and red).

“What do you mean Ron?”

Hermione also looked at him inquiringly.

Ron pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, “you tell me you didn’t get your shit together yet and you still haven’t attempted to serenade her on top of the Gryffindor table?”

“But were just friends!” Harry tried to protest while Hermione was nodding furiously, agreeing with him (Harry).

Ron knew that he was quite an idiot and apparently an emotional range of a teaspoon (Hermione’s words, not his), but even he never reached _this_ level of idiocy.

So, Ron blew up.

“ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT! EVEN _I’M_ NOT THAT STUPID! I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK I’M SUPPOSED TO DO! HARRY, GET YOUR FUCKING ACT TOGETHER AND KISS THE DAMN GIRL! NO! DON’T GIVE ME THAT PILE OF SHIT ABOUT NOT DESTROYING YOUR _TOTALLY PLATONIC_ RELATIONSHIP WITH HER! YOU TWO MAKE LOVEY-DOVEY EYES EVERYDAY AND _I HAD TO ENDURE THAT!_ I WILL STUFF YOU A BROOM CLOSET AND AFTER AN HOUR I WANT TO SEE YOU _TOTALLY SHAGGED_ SO I CAN PLAN THE DAMN WEDDING!”

He grabbed them by the scruff of their necks and, true to his word, stuffed them into the nearest broom closet.

He returned to the Great Hall and felt like a bloody hero.

_A day after:_

His hardships were now in the form of fishing the couple from multiple broom closets and seeing them shagging quite furiously against the wall.

He better be the Godfather of their children for his troubles.

**The End**

**A/N: I was attempting to find a fanfiction like this in the Harmony Discord, but came out empty-handed. Someone (IckleRonnikens) told me I could write one, so viola!**

**Author's Note:**

> poor ron!


End file.
